Acting Like A Right Tweet

Published in "Mai Word", Mai Life Magazine, June 2012

My nickname for the last two decades has been “Bird”. There are many possible origins for this label. It could be because I am secretly a descendant of the “Tagata Manu” or Bird-man of Easter Island. Maybe my alter-ego is that of Thoth or Horus – gods from ancient Egypt (Thor was already taken, as was Hulk). The fact that I like the Leonard Cohen song “Bird on A Wire” – also sung by Aaron Neville sounds much better than a comparison to Big Bird from Sesame Street.

My mother liked the nickname “Bird” and was always encouraging me to ‘fly high’. I realised later she meant as in ‘like the angels’ or ‘reach for the stars’ not as in the end of the phrase, “Why drink and drive when you can smoke and... “

It makes perfect sense then, that this Bird would eventually find himself on Twitter; tweeting every now and then.

At first I was unsure about opening a Twitter account. I didn’t want to be known as a “Twit,” thinking that was what people on Twitter were called. I felt a little more comfortable when I was told that people using Twitter were called “Tweeters”.  Okay, I agreed, I’d give it a twirl (... or is that a tweet?).

As I have reached my first Twitter milestone of 1000 tweets, here is a selection of choice morsels from the ...er... beak of the Bird.

·         Dreams are free... only if you don't mind missing the end because you have to wake up.

·         I was going to write something about the relationship betwn distraction & procrastination. After a while on FB I decided to do it tomorrow.

·         If I held services at the swimming pool, would the words "Let us pray," mean "do a lap"?

·         I would much prefer that instead of all these books we could just go to the forest/bush/jungle and listen to the trees. Probably learn more.

·         A first sighting for some residents on the A400 Block. Islander wearing only sulu and tattoos foraging for instant noodles...#hungry-yaar!

·         Date night... via skype.... darn kids keep interrupting... oh well they are the result of date nights....

·         Happy Earth Day humans! Happy Your Day Earth! ... Earth? Earth? Are you there? Sorry folks, the Earth has left the building.

·         Unfortunately Paradise is closed at the moment, but only for maintenance and we'll be open again soon.

·         They said, "Go ye therefore!" So I went. But I keep asking myself, "Am I there yet?" Am I there yet?" Am I there yet?" Am I there yet?".....

·         Footloose: Wearing flipflops when everyone else is wearing closed shoes...

·         Blast from the past... that oughta last. The flag ain't half mast. But my kids are half caste. ...er.... Oceania is so vast... wast(up?)

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·         Why is it that people think it's funny when the blind man wonders around shouting, "My Dog, My Dog! Why have you forsaken me?"

·         When I was little, my dog caught birds. Later when I was nicknamed "Bird", I had a friend called "Dog." Luckily he can't bite.

·         I think that when I called my friends to "get out of their boat" yesterday, I didn't tell them that I was sitting in a canoe. Cheating?

·         Now and zen my mind starts playing tantrics on me!

·         Someone suggested I follow Deepak Chopra. I told them that I already got in trouble for trying to follow Priyanaka Chopra.

·         Just in: My 7yr-old daughter's contribution to last night's festivities: "Mottos are for pooftahs. I'm off to the pub. I may be some time."

·         The man @the coffeeshop asked what I would like. I told him, "World Peace." He was not impressed. But he did ask if I wanted whipped cream.

·         When asked the meaning of the "Finger pointing to the moon" analogy of reason, logic &contemplation, I was tempted to say, "Pull my finger".

·         Joining the meditation a little late, I sat down in time for everyone to take out their smart phones as we searched for the Mystic App.

·         My wife informs me that she is sleeping on case-less pillows because the boy-genius keeps "borrowing" them for sack races with his sister.

·         Have declared the the Republic of Jamesistan will hold a period of national mourning in memory of Adam Yauch #Beastieboys.

·         Please note - mourning will be suspended during all Fiji Games at the Glasgow Sevens this weekend.

·         Working out in the gymn when Rosi Loa's "Raude" came on in the headphones... dropped the weights for an impromptu meke and taralala!#boogie

·         Note to self, the "Tui Boto" only works when you are in a group.....

·         The presenter on Confucianism spoke so fast that at the end I was left in a state of confusion. Pity, becos I liked the Chow Yun Fat movie.

·         9 years ago Archbishop Mataca said to me, "James, if she's not here soon, we're going to go to Fiji Club without her." #happyanniversary Mae

·         I had to wake my best man up early on my wedding day: 4 hours earlier, dope on yaqona we realised neither of us had sandals for the wedding.

·         As I went to sign the marriage register, Archbishop Mataca whispered in my ear, "Remember James, she's Catholic, so this is HMS Nocomeback!"

Visit https://twitter.com/PadreJB for more! 

(ENDS)

An award-winning former multi-media (Radio/TV/Print) producer, director, presenter and writer, now minister of the Methodist Church in Fiji – Rev. J. S.Bhagwan is a graduate of the Pacific Theological College in Fiji and is currently studying at the Graduate School of the Methodist Theological University in Seoul, Korea. He has two turbo-charged children, a patient wife and a collapsible three-legged stool.