The
spring
sun
was
warm,
the
day
pleasant,
the
wind
gentle,
the
clouds
floating
by.
The
five
bandits,
each
brandishing
a
golf
club,
each
determined
to
win,
set
out
to
display
their
miraculous
skills.
The
first
bandit
stepped
forth,
the
one
called
the
business
tycoon,
wearing
a
custom‑made
suit
tailored
of
bank‑notes,
a
hat
made
of
banknotes,
shoes
made
of
banknotes
and
gloves
knitted
of
banknotes,
with
a
gold
watch,
gold
rings,
gold
buttons,
a
gold
necktie
pin,
gold
cuff
links,
a
gold
buckle,
golden
teeth,
golden
nails,
golden
toenails,
and
golden
zippers,
with
a
golden
watch
chain
dangling
from
his
wiggling
ass.
…
Now
the
second
bandit
steps
forth
with
his
cronies
from
the
National
Assembly.
Here
come
hunchbacks,
alley
foxes,
angry
dogs,
and
monkeys.
Hunched
at
the
waist,
their
eyes
are
as
narrow
and
slanted
as
Ts’ao
Ts’ao.
Lumbering,
rasping,
covering
their
hairy
bodies
with
the
empty
oaths
of
revolution,
coughing
up
mucus,
raising
their
golf
clubs
high
into
the
sky
like
flags,
thunderously
yelling
slogans,
rolling
on
viper‑colored
jagged
floors:
Revolution,
from
old
evil
to
new
evil!
Renovation,
from
illegal
profiteering
to
profiteering
illegally!
Modernization,
from
unfair
elections
to
elections
unfair!
…
Now
the
third
bandit
emerges,
looking
like
a
rubber
balloon
with
viperous
pointed
eyes,
his
lips
firmly
closed.
Portraying
a
clean
government
official,
when
sweets
are
offered,
he
shows
that
he
doesn’t
like
them
by
shaking
his
head.
Indeed,
it
must
be
true.
But
look
at
this
fellow’s
other
face.
He
snoops
here
and
smiles
there,
stout,
impudent,
sly;
his
teeth
are
crooked
and
black
from
an
over
indulgence
in
sweets,
worn
out
until
they
could
decay
no
more.
He
sits
in
a
wide
chair
as
deep
as
the
sea,
before
a
desk
as
high
as
the
sky,
saying
“no
thank
you”
with
one
hand
and
“thank
you”
with
the
other.
He
cannot
do
possible
things,
but
he
can
do
impossible
things;
he
has
piles
of
documents
on
top
of
his
desk
and
bundles
of
money
under
it.
He
acts
like
an
obedient
shaggy
dog
when
flattering
superiors,
but
like
a
snarling
hunting
dog
to
subordinates.
He
puts
public
funds
into
his
left
pocket
and
bribes
for
favors
done
into
his
right
pocket.
His
face,
a
perpetual
mask
of
innocence,
conveys
purity—the
purity of
a
white
cloud.
His
all‑consuming
passion
is
asking
after
the
wellbeing
of
madams
of
deluxe
restaurants.
The
fourth
bandit
steps
forth,
a
big
gorilla.
He
is
tall,
reaching
almost
to
the
heavens.
The
marching
column
of
soldiers
under
his
command
is
as
long
as
China’s
Great
Wall.
He
has
white
tinted
eyes,
a
tiger’s
mouth,
a
wide
nose,
and
a
shaggy
beard;
he
must
be
an
animal.
His
breast
is
adorned
with
colorful
medals
made
of
gold,
silver,
white
copper,
bronze,
and
brass.
Black
pistols
cling
to
his
body.
He
sold
the
sacks
of
rice
meant
to
feed
the
soldiers,
and
filled
the
sacks
with
sand.
He
stole
the
cows
and
pigs
to
be
fed
to
the
soldiers,
and
gave
a
hair
to
each
man.
No
barracks
for
the
poor
enlisted
men
in
a
bitterly
cold
winter;
instead,
hard
labor
all
day
to
keep
them
sweating.
Lumber
for
the
construction
of
barracks
was
used
for
building
the
general’s
quarters.
Spare
parts
for
vehicles,
uniforms,
anthracite
briquettes,
monthly
allowances,
all
were
stolen.
In
accordance
with
military
law,
soldiers
who
deserted
their
units
because
of
hunger
and
desperation
were
arrested,
beaten
and
thrown
into
the
brig,
and
harassed
under
orders.
University
students
summoned
for
military
service
were
assigned
to
the
general’s
quarters
as
living
toys
for
his
wanton
wife.
Meanwhile
the
general
enjoyed
his
cleverly
camouflaged
life
with
an
unending
stream
of
concubines.
Now
the
last
bandit
and
his
cronies
step
out:
ministers
and
vice
ministers,
who
waddle
from
obesity,
sediment
seeping
from
every
pore.
With
shifty
mucus‑lined
eyes,
they
command
the
national
defense
with
golf
clubs
in
their
left
hands,
while
fondling
the
tits
of
their
mistresses
with
their
right.
And,
when
they
softly
write
“Increased
Production,
Increased
Export
and
Construction”
on
a
mistress’s
tits,
the
woman
murmurs
“Hee‑hee‑hee,
don’t
tickle
me!”
And
they
jokingly
reproach:
“You
ignorant
woman,
do
national
affairs
make
you
laugh?”
Let’s
export
even
though
we
starve,
let’s
increase
production
even
though
products
go
unsold.
Let’s
construct
a
bridge
across
the
Strait
of
Korea
with
the
bones
of
those
who
have
starved
to
death,
so
we
can
worship
the
god
of
Japan!
Like
slave‑masters
of
olden
times,
they
drive
the
people
to
work
harder
and
longer,
with
the
beating
of
burst
drums
and
the
sounds
of
broken
trumpets,
with
one
aim
in
mind:
to
increase
their
own
wealth.
