"Mai Word with J.S. Bhagwan
I’m not the pulpit-pounding type of
preacher – at least I don’t consider myself a pulpit-pounding, bible-bashing,
tongues-talking type of preacher. The congregation in my circuit/parish may
differ in opinion. I prefer to drop thunderbolts and lightning out of the blue
rather than constantly hail fire and brimstone on my flock.
When I began my theological (fancy word
for studying God) training, I found myself specialising in Theology and Ethics
and also from, my passion for history, engaging in Church History. This means
my preaching and teaching usually is on the way we who are followers of Christ
should live. It also means that I know a lot about dead people and things that
happened a long time ago – sometimes in a galaxy far, far away. Often to
illustrate my point I use events from real life, usually things that have
happened in the “holy household” (metaphorically –because we live on Mission
Hill; literally – because the house is over a 100 years old and has holes in
the floor). As a rule, I try to keep these anecdotes light and funny to break
the serious information I have been loading my captive audience with; just
before launching a thunder or lightning bolt.
However there are times when the
anecdotes “over-thunder” the thunder and lightning. I remember overhearing one
member of our church youth, who had missed one of my services, asking another,
who had attended, about my sermon:
“Man he was so funny,” was the response.
“We were just LOLing (now that’s the first time I’ve written that) the whole
sermon.” However when the now excited absent youth member enquired about the
content of my sermon, the response was not what I expected, “he told the joke
about ‘Adam and Eve and an arm, leg and apple’ and about the minister who
preached a full sermon and service to only one person or something. I can’t
remember but it was really funny!”
I guess it was consoling to have them
laugh at my jokes rather than just laugh at me. Not that it hasn’t happened. I
was preaching on servant-hood once I made reference to Jesus’ act of service
through the washing of his disciples’ feet. As I urged the congregation to
follow the Messiah’s example bending down in humility, the first fruit of my
loins leant over and asked his mother if this “was the same as the bending down
to wipe his bumbadoo after a big pooh.” The question was innocent enough,
except that it was heard by everyone in the church. That certainly woke up
those dozing in the back pews.
Sometimes we make the mistake of trying
to tell a joke you heard from someone else as your own and failing miserably. Here’s
an example: “The was an old man who was walking along and met a young man...oh
wait...it was a young man and he was walking along and met an old man....oh
wait.....” By time you figure it out, the congregation has either turned into
an old man or gone walking with the young one. While this mistake is not
limited to preachers, the poté (think “ka-splat!”) is larger when you have a
captive audience, especially if after all the “no wait..er...I mean..” you
stuff up the punch line. I’ve been fortunate not to be in this position but I
have witnessed it and would honestly prefer crucifixion to standing in the
pulpit when a well planed and often-rehearsed joke falls apart.
Once in preparation for a sermon to a
Christian youth group, I tried to use jokes or statements from popular culture
using television programmes, songs and movies as my source. I got some chuckles from adapting “Lo I will
be with you till the end of the ages,” into “I’ll be back.” There was stifled
laughter from using the lyrics of “Every breath you take...I’ll be watching
you,” to explain the omnipresence of God. However I think I went over the top
when I tried equating the initials “H.S.” (Holy Spirit) with quotes from a
superstar, known as Homer Simpson:
“I'd love to go to church, honey, but I've got a lot
of work to do around the bed.”
“If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why'd he
make them so tasty?”
“Oh, spiteful one! Tell me who to smote and they shall
be smotted.”
“I wish God were alive to see this.”
Of course we who tend to pontificate
from the pulpit with much finger-wagging and gnashing of teeth (try it, it
keeps away the tsunamus – see April 2010 issue) find the best way of
illustrating a point with a smile is self-depreciating humour. After all no-one likes to laugh at a priest,
minister, or pastor more than his congregation – then again it could be just
mine.
"A
senior minister was getting ready to visit USA. Some of his close associates
advised him to be careful when responding to reporters on his arrival in New
York. The bishop however was overconfident and paid little heed to the advice.
On arrival at JFK airport, during a press conference one reporter asked the
bishop if he was planning on visiting any night clubs in New York? The
minister, pretending to be ignorant of such ‘worldly’ matters, replied
"Are there any night clubs in New York?" To his surprise, the next
morning’s papers had the following headlines, 'Padre asks, "Are there any
night clubs in New York?"
It wasn’t me.
A sunbaked, self-confessed
Jesus-freak, Padre James Bhagwan spends his time between doing laps in the
pool, lecturing at Davuilevu Theological College, preaching at Dudley Methodist
Church, playing with his children and driving his wife around the bend.
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